I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
