Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
