i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
