Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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