Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
