i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
