At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
