She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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