I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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