What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
