Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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