I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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