Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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