I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
