Having a random hookup so left but love u
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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