I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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