is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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