Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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