Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
