the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
