I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
