someone get that fucking seahorse.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i drank out of a bidet.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
