so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You need a sexual gate keeper
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
