"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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