WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
