ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
