I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
