honey bunches of taint.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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