just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
