I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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