There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
