Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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