Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
