Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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