Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize