He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I didn't notice because vodka
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
