I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
