My first STD was from a foam party
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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