Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
