the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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