Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
