Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
