Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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