I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
