people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
