Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
