Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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