just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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