rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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