Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
