i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
