I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
