fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
