I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
