He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize