im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize