she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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