textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
