she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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