Me too!
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
