the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
