she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
