Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
