yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Couch. On fire.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
