I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
