Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
