Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
don't judge my taste in strippers
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
