Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
