they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
