You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize