I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
